Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's official drugs can't kill me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
