sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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