as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
