can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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