turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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