I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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