i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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