i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
no you cant smoke seaweed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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