when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
