No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
