What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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