what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
