guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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