im gay
i know
yea but for you.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
