I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
