Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
