smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
