Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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