DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
