Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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