Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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