put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
