I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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