Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I need a beard to bite.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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