soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
