WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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