took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
