So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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