In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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