Nicole vs. Life
Your dad touched me again.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
