so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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