Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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