there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
