god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
