Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
