I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
