there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
