this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
