is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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