My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
