is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
