you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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