I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
