Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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