I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
