my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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