it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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