life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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