The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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