he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
